I have a dream, and it is skinny jeans. I’ll admit it. I’m shallow. You know those little pants that Audrey Hepburn used to wear with ballet flats? Little, tiny, adorable, Audrey Hepburn? And while I dream of skinny jeans, my thighs jerk me back to reality, laugh and say, “You gotta be kidding me!”
True confessions. Since blossoming into womanhood I’ve always battled my weight. And it has won every single, stinkin’ time. I realize I’m not that different from a lot of other people, but it doesn’t make it any easier. I’ve done it all. Weight Watchers, Nutri-System, Jenny Craig, OA, Alli, and scariest of all, Phen-Fen. And I’ve been incredibly successful. My closet has an amazing range of sizes available, which will attest to my winning success and crushing failure!
I should probably clarify my current weight, no matter how painful this is for me. I’m a chubster. Not, “Oh my God, we’ll have to bury her in a piano case!” or “It’s a shame she can’t even leave the house.” I don’t have to have my clothing specially made either, although I often crack wise about a certain Omar the Tent Maker. Long story short, people don’t point at me on the street and wonder what circus I escaped from. But, I’m still over-weight. Fat. Ugh.
One of my favorite quotes is, “I’m built for comfort, not for speed.” It’s true. So, no matter how much I may pine away for skinny jeans, I’m not built for ’em. I’ve got hips, booty, and boobs. I’m not built like a boy and I’m happy about that! But, I also know that I can have a great caboose and nice cans, and be healthy. That’s what it really boils down to… I want to be healthy. I’ve watched my parents battle diabetes and arthritis, and I don’t want that to be me.
I’m going to a nutritionist on August 2nd and I guess I’m mentally gearing up for it now. I’m nervous about it, I’ll admit. The things I’m nervous about are:
- I have to give up dessert.
- She’s going to give me some ridiculous weight goal that I don’t agree with. I hate those weight charts they hand out. I once got down to the weight they had listed for my height. I looked like a lollipop girl. All head and skinny body. Some of my friends said I looked like I was sick (or on crack). Although I admit, I loved being told I was too skinny!
- What if she makes me eat stuff I don’t like?
- I’m going to have to give up cooking my favorite foods.
- I’m going to have to exercise!
- What if I fail this program too?
Number 6 scares me most of all.